End Of A Chapter

my life's chapter has ended on a low note. i wont be putting down my feelings any longer in this place. its time to move on.

*say anything, but say what you mean

My Only Fear

how coincidentally ava's new song title is that. prolly ironic. oh ya btw, prolly is the new sex. its a word thats use by alot of hippies today.

i shouldnt be afraid really. what come will come, but i guess im not prepared for the negative consequences. but i must say, im really thankful for people who showed concern for me. doesnt seem much to you guys, but some wise guy once said before, a little bit of concern and a little bit of love makes a person much much happier....
ok so i lied, i dont know who the wise guy is.

but seriously i thank my girlfriend for being with me in this really dark period of my life. limpei sibei lurbx euu ah knn.

oh and talk about bad luck, my brain in my head somehow chose to forget my btt test date was on 1st of oct. which is worse than failing. FUCK MAN.

*say anything, but say what you mean

Dont See Coffin Dont Shed Tears

A direct translation from a chinese phrase. it practically means, you will only shit on your pants when you are in a real crisis. or else, you are just fucking your life around.

despite my claims, despite my craps, despite my resolution. im back to fucking square one. not because im gonna get kick out of school actually, its really because i dont know how to face my parents. all along they think im an ok student in poly coping damn bloody well. how are they going to react when they find out im going bring them down there to beg for my appeal? if only i can get through this stage one more time. im praying to whatever god that exist out there, let me still be able to sign in to my student account by next thursday.

im not going to self-console. and thanks to the people who tell me im going to be fine, it really makes me feel much better though i know whats gonna come. anw kudos to weizhe, survive in tp for me k.

50% chance. i will not eat,sleep or shit well for the next 1 week. fuck it.

FUCK THIS HEAVY FEAR.

*say anything, but say what you mean

Opportunities

first of all i dont like cockroaches and i just stepped on one a few minutes ago in the lift. okay maybe thats something unnecessary and random to say in this post.

despite the rainy weather, im feeling very good today. im really feeling nice for the first time in a long long time. i went to check out home club with xinyi today with willy as our guide. met a guy name chris whos almost identical to my mentor in nydc andrew. they are so fucking alike in their personality, jack of all trades and best of all fucking fucking fucking friendly and nice. i decided i wanted to work there and i hope this friday's interview would be smooth. or i would say my journey in this place would be smooth-sailing.

however this isnt really the real deal of opportunity. you know we have read about autobiographies or watch tv shows of life journey, about some kid in life who lost his way and later end up meeting someone or something that changes his life until he becomes somebody in the end?

opportunities, the movie evan's almighty said that god gives us opportunities instead of what we want. thats something i agree though im not a big fan of religion.
so the first move in this chess game has been played, spread my wings and let me step out.

*say anything, but say what you mean

Everything's Magic

woo. i think orange on black is cool. i always like the idea of a bright warm colour on a patch of darkness. to me it represents no matter how hard or how fucked up your life is, theres always 1 or 2 or maybe more things to look forward to.

i never like getting into trouble since young, but somehow my robust ways always find me one. i think that in our span of lifetime, the lesser trouble we get into, the happier we will live and its more worthwhile. thats why if can i would avoid arguments, getting in trouble with the law, etc stuffs stuffs. 1 less thing to worry makes your day a little brighter with magic.
i believe that
we find trouble, not trouble find you.

i dont know why somehow recently im becoming like a bitch again. but i swear to change it and be as nice and goody-two-shoes as possible as i can.
i love everyone and everything. i read a few blogs today, and i realise teenage life is really chaocheebyekaninafuckeduplanjiaohonganpuabye. schoolmates, friends from the past were innocent but since succumbed the the temptations of the evil world. well maybe its growing up to them, growing up by popping the cherry instead of making your brains or heart bigger. honestly people always laugh at qx because hes too stupid or something. but i sorta secretly admire his psychology of the way of life. its simple, yet seems retarded however the most important thing is
peaceful.

do miracles and magics happen? im not asking much. im just asking a little bit of freedom from troubles and all i wanna do is just smile everyday even when someone punch me in the balls.
that will be one day when everything's magic.

*say anything, but say what you mean

Gift and Curses

i certainly don't believe in using people nor people using me. what i believe is loyalty. give me that and i will back your ass up all the way straight to hell. what i believe is friends, lovers or relatives who give you without asking you to give anything back. i dont believe in asking your friends out the last minute just because you need them there, i would rather it was because you wanted them there to have fun with you. i dont believe in asking your friend to play a game with you just because the game cant happen without them but because you really do want to play with them.
i believe in giving more than you take.

maybe i dont have the authority to say these stuffs.
maybe im even guilty of opposing my own beliefs.
but i think im safe enough to say this openly since recent events and stuffs makes me puke by the sight of disgusting selfishness.

people can just forget you in a moment and be a sudden good friend to you in another moment.
reminds me of a batman villian: "Two-Fucking-Mother-Cheebye-Face".

and oh i was reading jm's blog the other day. he said about why everyone's putting negative posts in blogs.
my reason is simple.
this is even the reason why i started blogging in the first place.
i simply have no other containers to vent my emotions on, i mean have any of you constantly see me in real-life having a foul mood or attituteding? im always smiling fucking around making fun of people and telling lame jokes.
im only human too so i will feel sad sometimes, theres no need to try.
NOTE: NO PUN INTENDED TO MR LIEW IN ANYWAY RIGHT HERE.


phrases of "a friend in need is a friend indeed" or "a real friend does this....,a good friend does this ......, a bad friend does this ......"
ALL ARE JUST BULL.
when it comes it comes.
next time when you get into a dilemma or trouble, try thinking whos the first person on your msn, or phone number you will try contacting first.
for me thats the best way to really find out whats the meaning of the 6 letter word.
"F-R-I-E-N-D"
or it would be just
"F-I-E-N-D".

the significance of R.
R = Real.

*say anything, but say what you mean

The Darkest Period

i have 206 people on my msn contact list. but theres only 17 of them i will talk to. amazing eh. its not amazing actually, msn is actually like a photo album that you keep the old memories inside and when you feel like taking it out to look again, you will just talk to the rest of the 189 of them.

anyone noticed that once theres a funeral in your area, more will come? its a period of time when everything bad comes out at once. in other words. its the darkest period.
i would dare say since half a year ago, everything is going downhill for me. luck, academic, relationships, finance, etc. one just comes after another. its like a grim reaper telling me your fucking time on earth is up, last fucking warning for you. i dont really know why im still alive till today. im quite sure the pressure is enough to kill anyone.

number one. my typical poly day. either i decide to stay at home or go to school to give some face. if i go, i will eat my breakfast in the morning, change my clothes to something that wont make me look nerdy, plug in my walkman phone cause i cant afford a fucking mp3, take 3 bus rides that totals up to 1hr 30mins, walk into the classroom, think about what dinner will i be having later and leave the classroom without saying a single word from start till the end. okay maybe the only thing that will come out of my mouth is telling my maid what breakfast i want to eat. so i estimate i will speak less than 300 words from monday to friday. best of all im not sure if im going to make it till the diploma graduation. loneliness? nah its in the previous post, im popular as hell.

number two. my luck, in sec 3 i had my phone mysteriously disappear for no apparent reason. it was lost in a way that it seemed impossible. i choose 10 poly choices, only the last choice was tp. woah maybe i should call that lucky? i got into the last fucking possible choice that fucked my life up. then i would go on to lose 50 bucks for no apparent reason in my own home, and then later on my fucking hard earned money bought psp in my OWN BLOODY FUCKING HOME AGAIN. then somehow vegetable sauce can manage to slip into my laptop to deal permanent damage to my keyboard making my portable computer, not portable. and last wednesday my mom gave me ten bucks i placed it in my wallet, when i reach my destination HOW NICE, it was gone. i guess im the luckiest person in the world.

number three. i have never been a loser since from primary school to secondary school. im always good at things, i always manage to get my grades despite not studying, i always have friends around me to talk to, i always have somewhere to go after school, i will always win most of the time playing games, sports, etc than losing. since then, it has been a complete 180 degree switch to my life. i honestly cant adapt to living a loser life. sorta reminds me of the movie just my luck. in my own words its fuck my luck cheebye nabei.

number four. i have a quite long-time girlfriend already. everything has always been fine. somehow for no apparent reason, my parents recently seem to think my "upside down" life is due to her existence. so im like fucking trapped in the fucking middle like a tuna in a can and a bacon cheese in a sandwich. which side am i suppose to side on? what am i suppose to do? whose there to understand me or share my troubles, ask me how am i doing? whos there to give me a solution?

did i stepped on some joss paper or pee-ed somewhere without saying sorry so now some evil spirits is bent on making my life hell? whats happening? why everything is swirling around so fast that i cant catchup? why is everyone doing something that processes their life while im stuck here doing nothing? why cant i find a corner to stop and breathe in a circle?

why am i still alive?

*say anything, but say what you mean

joey peh

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